Are We Doing It Right?

CORONA! CORONA! CORONA!

Yes, that's what we are surrounded by, both physically and mentally. And with the lock down on our head, most of you have locked yourself down from living. But why?

Would worrying kill the virus or would the fun made about it? Would constantly criticizing the people who spread it kill the virus or would your cribbing about the lock down kill it? NONE! Then why? 

You might think, like rest of the world, I'm also talking about COVID-19 (CORONA) and bombard you with the do's and don'ts of it but NO.

I know most of you have pretty chaotic minds right now for having too much of exposure to the virtual world of the virus. If you are one among those who is in the country with complete lock down and not liking it or feeling bored or caged then this post is for you. If you are someone who's busy watching the Corona news the entire day, then this post is for you. IF YOU ARE ANYONE WHO IS NOT INFECTED BY IT BUT AFFECTED BY THE CURRENT SCENARIO OF THE WORLD, THEN THIS IS DEFINITELY FOR YOU.

Do you remember all those Monday mornings which you hated? Do you remember how much have you awaited the weekends? Do you remember how much you needed a break from your day to day routine and the hustle bustle of life?  Remember all those things you kept skipping just because you had no time? Well, I do!

There were people I wanted to talk to, there were stories to be written, there were crafts to be made, profiles to be updated, songs to be learnt, wardrobe to clean, skin to take care of, hair to nourish, wake up without alarms, books to read, movies to watch, belly to reduce, therapies to practice, days when I can just be with my dog, days when I don't have to wait for my dad to return so that I can learn chess, hairstyles to learn and try, I have longed for the days when I don't have to dress up everyday and go out. Precisely, my childhood wish of having everyday as Sunday has come true. 

Yes, it shouldn't have come the way it did because our fellow humans are suffering, the world is mourning and each of us are expected to be more responsible in taking care of self and others as much as possible and abide by the do's and don'ts. And with the lock down and self quarantine, most of you are experiencing a pause in your life. So yes, it's a PAUSE, not an end. 

But look at it this way, you don't have to rush out everyday, you can save all the money which you were spending on fuel, food, alcohol, clubbing, partying, shopping, and the list goes on. You needed time with yourself and you have it now. Don't you have those people in your life including your parents, wives, husbands, children, girl/boy friends, siblings or anyone who always complained that you don't have time for them? Give it to them now! (if not physically then at least virtually) Remember all those days when you prayed to just be and do nothing? If you are one of those who haven't clicked a good picture in ages, just go for it. Capture the moments with your family too. 

Most of you missed home food because all you did was eating at the college or office cafeteria. Remember those hobbies which you wanted to take up? You needed time to practice, you have it now. If you are a mother, remember all those dishes your kids demanded but you disappointed them for reasons? And hey, You, If your relationship with your special someone or your best friend is screwed up, you now have all the time in this world to fix it. And the worst, too many fights at home? That's OK! Just remember, true, that you don't wanna be at home but it's good that now you can't escape the situation. Because in a day or two or worst, in a week or month, there would surely be a day when each of your's frustration will evaporate. You know what happens when everything is vented out? There is peace, calmness and healing that follows. Mind you, Don't start fighting intentionally or because you are bored. You wanna cry? Do it! Because this time, you don't have to wipe them in middle and get ready to show up at work. Again, Don't dehydrate or increase your dark circles please. In short, use this phase to heal your emotional self. 

There is so much you wanted to do but you didn't because there was no time. We were either busy with our education or work and of course with the lows of life but now let's use this period to revive our self, to heal that broken heart, to sooth the damaged soul, to learn all that we wanted to, to make new habits, to upgrade our life style and improve our health. Imagine what a proper detox we can do to our mind and body.

Dear YOU, please remember, life is so much more than just going out and depending on restaurants, multiplexes, travelling around, spending entire time on social media or gaming or spending entire income on materialistic and temporary forms of happiness. THIS TOO SHALL PASS so make the most of it to have no regrets when this phase is over. Also, what if we get more busy in our lives than before or have to do an over time on most of the days after this? We don't know how soon we might have to go back to the life where we need to pause and check if we are breathing. Again, MAKE THE MOST OF IT before it's too late because this chapter, just like our life, is only for once.

#WLOO (We Live Only Once)

Preneeja Peelukhana

Voice Note No. 101

"Baby, you know something? My teeth are fairer than your skin! HA HA HA HA HA HA..."

DAY: 69

Conversation:

J: I know you love me baby, but I don't know why... what did you even see in me?

P: Not again J... please know...

J: You know what, I'm a CHOCOLATE BOY! I look chocolaty for being in the chocolate color :D

P: Yeah right. And together we look like Dairymilk and Milkybar :P

J: Exactly! HA HA HA... YUMMY!

P: So, got your answer baby?

J: Yeah, you love me because you love chocolates! :D

P: I love you more than I love chocolates J :)

J: But…. Baby, you know something? My teeth are fairer than your skin! HA HA HA HA...

P: HA HA HA HA HA... Muaaaaaah :*

DAY: 01

They met, for the first time, spoke, laughed, exchanged numbers and then, like most of the stories, their story commenced (Jet speed).

DAY: 12

P: Oh God! You are crazy! Btw J, I Love You too :) But no feelings, right? We are just friends, right?

J: Of course! I love you Kiddoo... no feelings :)

DAY: 15

J left the city. [relocated to a different state]

DAY: 30

[2 hrs 58 mins call]

J: I miss being there... :( When I come, just sleep on my heart and grab some hugs and kisses on your forehead and cheeks.

P: Come back soon. :( I really miss you baby...

J: I miss you more love! Just a few more days... I'll be there...

P: I'll wait :( Good night.

DAY: 45

They finally met. (second time)

He arrived, she hugged.

P: I'm not leaving you. I felt warm and safe in your arms. Haven't felt this any time before... you held me just how a mother holds a baby. Baby, I love you beyond words.

J: Where will I go kiddooo? I wouldn't go even if you ask me to. And btw, I love you more...

DAY: 60

[4 hrs 49 mins call]

J: I only love you more... liar!

P: No...! I love you more!

J: Nope, I love you more…

P: Can I say something J? I feel like kissing you… don’t know why… may be feelings… is this love?

J: But baby, we decided not to get feelings and commitments in between right? Like, you know I don’t want relationships, commitments or feelings, right?

P: Yeah J, it’s the same thing with me as well. Even I don’t want any commitments or get into any relationship. I don’t want to be anyone’s gf or wife… I just shared what I felt like. WE are close enough for me to be open to you right? And don’t worry, I’ll try to get over this and not let my feelings bother you…

J: Yeah Baby, its fine. All cool.

P: Good night J 😊

J: Good night 😊

DAY: 63

J: Baby, I realized I too have feelings for you… I love you so much, I love you my Baby! But I’m scared. I never thought this would happen…

P: God! Only you could do this to me… you took so long to tell me which I probably already knew… I love you too so much J… I really do :”) You have no idea what you have gifted to me J! I now love you a little more than yesterday!

J: I really want you… I want you in my life. I never laughed so much with anyone in years. I never realized what place you occupied in my heart until yesterday…

P: Aww someone’s sounding romantic and irresistibly cute :D

J: HA HA HA… :* :* :* :* :* :*

P: Aye! [blushing]

J: Muuaah! Good night Love [a million virtual hugs]

P: This one’s for you J… I love you 😊

I have thought about these quite many times

Why do you do this to me?

Why do I trip on you each time?

Who is the reason? You or Me?

That 3mm curve beside your lower lip,

I trip on it each time you smile.

That perfect shape of your brows in calm,

That's where my heart and I lie.

Those seductive pheromones you carry,

Those curled strands on your chest...

I trip on you every time you come close

I admit, on you, I am longing to fest.

I think of your cheeks brushing mine,

I fall in awe with the feel of your beard

I trip every time on the beats of your heart

I trip on everything about you that's weird.

I trip on those jellylicious deep eyes of yours

I trip on the bush you carry on your head

I trip on everything that's of yours

I keep tripping on all that you said.

They say it's insane, but I don't care. I am high!

Who would know you're more addictive than a drug

Who've given wings and sent my heart to fly!

J: You are just the best! You make me feel so special all the time. I’m way too lucky to have you.

P: I love you too 😊

DAY: 75

J: I need to tell you something. I realized I don’t have feelings for you. It’s lust. Like when I say I love you and hug you or take care of you it’s just like a friend... how I be with other friends of mine. But when I romance or wish to express myself physically, I realized it’s lust. I’m sorry… hope you understand. Can’t we just be friends? It was all perfect back then.

P: 😊 That’s fine J. I’m glad that you have been honest. I really respect you for that. But see, I have feelings for you and I need some time to get over and settle up so that I can gift you back your friend. And don’t worry, I’ll be okay.

J: You are just the best thing that has ever happened to me. Thank you so much for understanding and not forcing me into something I don’t wish for.

P: 😊 Always 😊

DAY: 77

[1 hr 03 mins call]

P: Why the hell do you keep asking that same fucking question J?

J: Because now I really wanna know why do you love me?

P: Understand, please, I really have no reason. You should be happy that I love you without reasons, without conditions, without expectations…

J: You only told me that love is a science and now you only say there is no reason… how the hell can you contradict yourself so much?

P: Look, I know I’ve said that. And yes, Love is definitely a science. I meant and said it in that way because love involves a lot of psychological, biological aspects in it. It’s a science because there are neurotransmitters, hormones, chemistry, biology, physics and every fucking science involved in it. There is science behind why I feel it in a way when you touch me and not when someone else does. Is this explanation enough? And when I say I don’t know the reason why I love you so much, its because I have nothing in specific like I love you because you look good, you are nice, you are this or that… there is just no reason… I love you for who ever and what ever you are… [deep breath, sigh]

J: You are nothing but a lonely person and when I started caring, you fell in love because you don’t have anyone in your life… no friend or anyone… when I started being close and nice, you say you have feelings. And you were the one who said let’s not get feelings in between. You can’t stick to your words as well.

P: What the hell J? How could you just judge me for being honest and opening up to you and sharing my fears, experiences and my secrets with you? How can you even say this to me?

J: I said what is true okay?

P: That’s no where near to the truth. Sorry but you haven’t understood me. I don’t know why instead of being happy to be loved you are even fighting with me?

J: I’m not fighting okay? I’m just trying to gain my clarity.

P: Is this how you gain clarity? By judging me and blaming me J?

J: You talk so much about maturity and all… see how like a kid you are talking.

P: Oh! So, in normal situations you can pamper me and call me a kiddo and treat me like a child but when I speak truth, you wanna raise finger on that as well. Aren’t you contradicting yourself? Anyway, can we just end this here J? Why do we even need this? I agreed to be friends with you again, right? What else do you need?

J: Just tell me the truth.

P: Why would I even lie to you? What truth are you talking about?

J: Tell me why you love me?

P: UKW J, I’m done with this crap. I have answered this hundred fucking times already and for one last time, Listen, I have no reasons to love you.

J: [tone: aggressive] How can you even talk to me like?

P: [tone: aggressive] Ukw, just get out of my life. I have had enough of this emotional draining and crap for years. Not again. Just Fuck off!

J: How dare you……..

[call cut, J blocked]

DAY:78

-J unblocked-

DAY: 79

Voice note no.1 recorded

“It’s been 2 days J… I never thought that I’ll lose you. Why does it all just feels like the worst nightmare… and you know, I feel, when I wake up, everything will be fine and you’ll again be mine. I love you J. ☹ I miss you more than ever!” [tears rolled down]

DAY: 81

Voice note no.16 recorded

“It’s almost gonna be a week J, aren’t you missing me? Am I the only one who is suffering this ache? You loved me too, right? Was it all a lie? Was it all really lust? I ended staring at our WhatsApp chat screen for some hours… didn’t receive your ping. It hurts J… please come back before it hurts more… before this kills me in real. I miss you more than I miss just anything in my life… Your baby loves you… your kiddo needs you… wants you… come back… please come back…[tears]”

DAY: 84

Voice note no.28 recorded

“J, you know, today I made pancakes… and reached college early and had my breakfast, lunch, dinner and everything on time. I’m being a good and responsible girl. Please come back at least now. Please come and pat my back and say you are proud of me ☹ please ask me if I am eating on time and sleeping on time… please make me sleep on your heart ☹ Talk to me… fight… scold… but come back… [crying] please J… I feel suffocated… come back… I miss you. Btw, today everyone said I looked really beautiful. I clicked some pictures to share with you but you aren’t there. You said you’ll not leave me even if I do… why did you lie? Why J… You always said you love me more… was that a lie too? [tears]”

DAY: 87

Voice note no.41 recorded

“I learnt a new song J… you loved it every time I sang for you know. Once you are back, I’ll sing this for you. I’m pretty excited to sing this to you. Btw, I have put on half a kilo weight… HA HA HA! But this time when I laughed, I missed you even more ☹ I’m waiting for the day when we’ll insanely, madly and unstoppably laugh together again – just our ROFL moments… ”

DAY: 90

Voice note no.54 recorded

“I’m glad to have a call recorder and the entire night I have only heard your voice… your laughter… your pjs… but do you know the difference? This time, I didn’t laugh along… I rather cried… why did you give me this pain J? I only loved you… nothing more… please say all this is a dream and wake me up to a beautiful reality”

DAY: 94

Voice note no.70 recorded

“J, I think I’ve fallen in love with you all over again [blush] I was reading our chat from the beginning… didn’t know what else to do when I was missing you. Btw, forgot to tell, I fell from the bed today in sleep… it was some weird dream I think... but ssshhhhhhh it’s a secret between us… Aw and I realised we don’t have a picture together. Let’s get clicked together soon. But Love, for that you need to come back ☹ You’ll come back right?”

DAY: 97

Voice note no.89 recorded

“Well, Mr. J… I’ve a news for you… I THINK NOW I AM READY TO GIVE YOU BACK YOUR FRIEND. I love you J, that’s the truth. The same truth gives me the strength to be your best friend. I swear J, I never wanted to be your gf. I really felt shattered when my love for you was insulted and questioned. But now I’m okay… all ready for you 😊 You are a part of me… you are my best friend…”

-song recorded-

-tears wiped-

-smiled-

DAY: 100

Voice note no.101 recorded

“That’s it. I can’t live like this anymore. I don’t know where have I lost myself after losing you. I can’t pretend to be strong anymore… I don’t wanna live with this pain. J, you and our bond to me is above my ego, self-respect and every fucking thing in this world. I love you and I love myself as well. I can’t punish myself further to death. I wish to live with you and grow older, not die for you. I wanna live. I’m not giving up on you Okay J?”

-Called J-

-CRIED-

-SPOKE-

[2 mins 01 sec]

P: I’m really sorry J… if you really think it was all my fault ☹ but just come back. I promise to be just a friend.

J: Hmm… Ok

P: Only if I knew you were waiting for an apology, I’d have done this long back. Thanks for agreeing to talk 😊

DAY: 102

J: Good morning 😊

P: Good morning :D

[an informal formal talk]

DAY: 108

They met. (third time)

He arrived.

She hugged.

He kissed her head.

Her heart smiled.

She dug herself into his chest.

He held her tight.

She smiled.

He smiled.

-most comfortable silence of 25 odd mins-

-best day of her life-

DAY: 117

P: I’m scared of being the girl I was before everything went wrong. I don’t wanna lose you once again. I used to speak my mind to you… but now it scares me ☹

J: Chill. Just be yourself. Be the one you always were. You’ll not be judged.

P: I trust you. Thank you. YAAAAAAAY! Happy Independence Day to Me!

DAY: 120

ALL THE VOICE NOTES DELETED

   - - 0 - - 😊 - - 0 - -

Some say love hurts while some say it heals. What it does to whom, time decides.

Loving someone unconditionally is the best you can give them but loving yourself unconditionally is the least which is done. When it comes to someone else, when it comes to ‘the one’ in our lives, we are OK to take every pain, every challenge, every hardship but what about our ignored self?

            In the 100 days of love, friendship and every thing in between them, I’ve learnt the best lessons. It isn’t hard to prioritize others. What’s challenging is, how well we prioritize ourselves while being there for others. Love, surely isn’t something that makes you weak, diverts you from your goal, gives you pain or ruins your life. Such experiences happen when the person is wrong or when the situations are not in our favor.

            Heard of a parent’s love, friend’s love, sibling’s love become a hurdle? No right? Just in the same way, if the love you found is meant for you, it will only strengthen you, heal you and uplift you. Letting go, might be really tough, but you cannot see your baby without undergoing labor. You cannot learn riding a bicycle without falling. You cannot truly succeed if you don’t know what failure is. Be proud to be in pain. Be proud that you experienced something unusual, something hurtful. It just makes you more of a human. It proves that you have had emotions and you have felt it all.  See, breathe and get conscious about it. Get conscious about the fact that you have learnt something that’s not in books and now you are a better, wiser and a stronger person.

            We love, we care, we live, we share, we are meant for all that’s coming our way. If you think you are done with your life, just look around, you might just find the purpose, the door to unlock happiness, right around the corner. Expecting a solution without trying to solve, wanting to see the light at the end of the tunnel with shut eyes isn’t possible. When we don’t give up in loving that ‘someone special’, how can we fairly give up on ourselves? Does love, like an insurance policy, comes with terms and conditions?
No, it doesn’t.

             Why complicate lives and why build the walls? Why greed the success and why fear the falls? Why wire the cages? Why chain the soul? Dear you, fear not, just remember, it’s absolutely OK to fall, to fail, to lose, to love, to live. Remember, always, with every experience, You and I are just growing. Why fill up the not so short lives of ours with pain, regret and remorse when we, since the beginning know that
WE LIVE ONLY ONCE.

#WLOO

Preneeja Peelukhana

The Lost Path!

"Oh no! Not again! Crap! Dead end? What the hell! How do I reach there?" *tension* *tears* *helplessness* *scared*

It was around 7.30 p.m. I called up my mom & told her I was heading back home. "Maa, I'm leaving now, will be home in 30 mins but can you please quickly explain me the route? I don't know how to reach there? *route explained* Okay Maa, see you in 30"

Okay, we were shifting to a new home the next day which I have visited only once before. I had my college & had to visit my aunt post college to collect a few things required for the housewarming ceremony & reach the new home so that the preparations for the ceremony on the following day can be made. My parents were waiting for me and I had to reach there as early as possible. 

"Damn! it's already 10 p.m. They must be worried! Where am I lost?"

Oh yeah, 2 and a half hours later I was still on the way, haven't reached home, was lost, mobile battery dead, petrol almost nil & the area I was stuck in was way too isolated. No people, no street lights, totally unknown, completely dark. And why all these? Only because I took a wrong turn, a 'left' instead of a 'right' not knowing how to trace back.

*Continued riding & took every turn that felt correct*

"OMG! This looks like a main road!"

*One hour later*

"Oh! This area looks familiar... I think this is the hospital mom was talking about."

It was 11 p.m and I finally got on to the main road, got the fuel filled, called up home from a local telephone booth, reached the landmark around 11.30 p.m. and by 11.45 p.m. I was home. I reached home completely safe. 

Have you lost ways like this? Have you taken wrong turns? Or you wanted to reach somewhere as quick as possible but encountered unexpected breath blocked traffic jams or unexpected diversions or accidents or fuel got empty and you had to push your vehicle to the bunk or missed the bus/ train/ flight or the cab reaching late for the pick up or getting lost in some lanes and discovering something amazing or discovering a new short cut or something more exciting or bad? I'm sure you have experienced all of these or a few or at least one of these kind of experiences, right? Well, I did. I many a times lost the way or reached the desired place late, very late. But I reached. You reached too. We, at the end  reached our desired destination in spite of all the obstacles.

Now whenever I recollect that day, I get an ear to ear smile though I was totally petrified that day. I was petrified because that was for the first time I was lost and coming out of it, reaching home safe was a big deal for me. I felt proud of myself for not giving up. There were no sources, no idea of the route, no one to help or guide, no GPS and for the increasing crime rate, I had a little fear of getting kidnapped but the hope I had kept me going. I knew I'd reach home for sure even if I reach two days later because I knew where to go. I knew where to go though I didn't know how to go and when would I reach. 

What do we learn out of such experiences? Well, These kind of not less than an adventure and thrillers taught me that in spite of what ever life throws at you, if you know where to reach, you surely will. If you don't know where to go, keep travelling, don't stop your journey because you would definitely find to what you are destined for. We make many plans and many a times it just doesn't happen the way we want but that's OK because we have a different chapter to add to our life's story. If life gets predictable, it would surely bore us just like how the predicted twists and ends of movies make us lose our interest. 

The unplanned and unexpected situations in my life made it interesting and gave me many stories to share, helped me shield up and stay geared up for the adventures coming my way. We all have different destinations and different paths. Some journeys are shorter than expected while some are long, really long! Does that matter? How ever it is, it's our journey, our story. Let's push into what life gives us with heads first & fiercely so that we have volumes of stories to recollect, laugh and feel proud of. Why to make our story an ordinary one when you & I are extraordinary? Keep adding chapters to your book of life the way you want as we may not have another life to scribble & share the same story because we live only once!

#WLOO

Preneeja Peelukhana

A Tale Of A Tail :)

Okay, I know that you know what a tail is so I'm not getting into defining it. We also know that animals, birds & humans have tails. Oh wait, did I just say humans have tails? Of course! of course we have tails. The tail bone at the end of our spine which is curved inwards unlike animals blah blah blah... 'This is not a science or biology class to talk about bones and tails' is that what you just thought by any chance? Well, if I were in your place, I would have thought that. So, before you wonder why this tail nonsense here, let me tell you something...

             Do you know about the favorite tail concept? Are you aware of 'your' favorite tail? Well, a tail is something that comes with us or behind us where ever we go just like that cute little pug in 'Hutch' ad (if you remember the ad, pup & their tag line 'where ever you go, our network follows you'). To keep it simple, in our Indian or local slang a tail is anything & everything that comes along where ever we go (not the biological one). This tail could be your sibling or friend who just wants to come along even if you are going out on a date. There are some more tails we have, like, our mobile, wallet, shades, a comb, tissues, deos for some, lip-balm to some like me, lucky charms, and many more. To me, my lip-balm, sling bag, my red water bottle, scarf, a pack of tissues & kajal are my tails. But yeah, these are not my favorite tales. 

             Then what? What is my favorite tail? What is yours? See, favorite tail is something that we carry EVERYWHERE. We definitely don't carry the above listed things everywhere, to almost all the places but not everywhere. Do you? I don't! not to my bed, a restroom, to the general store at the end of my lane, from one room to another in my home and a few more places. What is that we carry along? What is that thing which is increasing your load, shadowing you in crowds & alone places? Most importantly, why has it become your favorite tail? 

            There was a time when my past, my hurts, some people in my thoughts, all that I couldn't do, all that I wanted, trust breaks, heart breaks, betrayals, simple issues of day to day life, people whom I was missing, a few things that were unsaid, some guilt, repentance, a few regrets, anger, frustration, tears were my favorite tails. The list was probably longer. One from that list was always on my mind, kept my heart heavy and added up to my baggage and were being my favorite tails 24*7, 365*many years! They were there even when I was asleep. The tails kept increasing and they grew longer & thicker consuming all my energy to drag them where ever I go. I felt troubled, helpless, lost, heavy, low, dead... had no idea what to do, how to get rid of all that. 

           I started seeing and observing the length, thickness & growth pattern of my tails. One fine day, I was amazed to see something. I was astonished. Seeing that I thought, "is it this small & thin?" Oh yeah, though the end or tip of my tails where thick & heavy, their roots, the beginnings were tiny, weak, thin & delicate because each of these tails started just with a thought or a feeling. Something that I thought or felt some hours, days, weeks, months & years back. Life & people in the present aren't the same but mentally I was fixated at something happened some time back. 

           It wasn't easy to let them go but wasn't impossible too. Though it took some time, it was simple. All I had to do was, take the knife of my strength & determination, shred them off from my mind, my life and bid a farewell to them & say, Its OK buddy, I'm fine. I'm  happy without you. You need not come back to me (to the tails, OK?) and embrace the new life, people & of course the new me. Slowly, slowly, one by one, some baby steps and here I'm. Now with some amazing, lightweight, advanced & new in the market kind (sorry, if I sound like selling a latest mobile or gadget? please ignore if I do :P) favorite tails.The tails that I now have are my happiness, peace, joy, freedom within myself, my smile & of course, a new flavor of lip-balm! 

          That's my tale of my tails, what is yours? What are those you wanna shred away & what are those you wanna take along & flaunt? When I could, you too can, my friend! All you have to do is, just sharpen up your knife, detach them one by one and let yourself free. Why carry so much unwanted stuff along leaving behind the important ones. The beautiful heart & amazing mind that you have also have a weight limit so keep it light. Why to trouble our self some more? Why to choose that strain? Why not start it right away & live again? You can make it happen, its just a thought away because you know life is short & we live only once.

#WLOO

Preneeja Peelukhana

The Three Magical Words!

Ever since we were born, You & I, all that we wanted & needed was love, care, affection, warmth, acceptance, attention, respect and all that we never wanted rather feared was ignorance, isolation, hatred, being taken for granted, under-valued etc. Isn't it the same even now? Like what we want, need, fear? We were born, our parents were our world, we grew, our friends made their space in our world, we grew up even more and its not just our parents & friends but the life partner, soulmate, the special someone concepts crept into our world. So, yeah, we all love to be loved by some or many, loved by at least one. 

BE PROUD OF WHO YOU ARE! :)

                What we do, how we live, whom we want etc revolves around the very concept of feeling good, feeling loved, feeling wanted, feeling safe, feeling complete. Doesn't that feel just awesome when someone says I Love You...? I Miss You...? I Want You...? I Need You...? May be that is the reason these sets of words are termed as the 'three magical words', for the magic and instant happiness they give to any individual. Consciously or unconsciously, that is what we crave for from our parents, friends, the special someone... and by now, you would have experienced such love & affection and this could be from the family, pets, friends, our intimate partner, spouse or anyone for that matter. 

But, are you happy? In spite of having people around you, are you happy? In spite of being loved by others, are you happy? What's your answer? No? Not really? Sometimes? Don't know? Let your inner voice respond to this... If the answer is a 'no' or anything other than a 'yes', have you thought about the reasons like why do you feel lonely? why incomplete? why low? why just surviving and not living? why do you sometimes feel disconnected? 

                Got the answer? I'll help? When was the last time you got to hear those magical words? Just now? a while back? a day? a week or a month? a year ago? much more longer? don't remember? That's OK! That doesn't really matter. What matters the most is, are you really hearing something that would soothe you or make you feel good? Do you really know what you need? Because 'you' in every sense is your soul and not your body. What we speak and think is the loudest audible thing to our-self. 

           When was the last time you conversed with your soul? When was the last time you appreciated yourself? When was the last time you told to your self 'I Love U & I'm there, Don't worry'? Do you know hearing to those words would make you feel great and soothe your every pain and heal your heart? Why are you waiting to hear it from someone else? That person in you needs you... needs your love & acceptance. 

I FEEL FREE IN MY OWN SKIN!

             By the way, what's your favorite thing? What is that without which you can't live? Well, mine was my mobile phone. I couldn't imagine my life without that. I feared losing it all the time. What is yours? Mobile, laptop, bike, car or anything big or small? I lost that phone, I cried, I sulked but later I got a new & better phone. Life without that mobile wasn't as bad as I thought it could be. 
                 Lesson learnt: The materialistic things once lost can be replaced probably with a better one but how about something which when once lost can't be replaced? Yeah, that's you, your soul, your life... take care of it like your baby. Adopt it & be humane to yourself, friend! If there is anything that you don't like about yourself, then those tiny-miny things can be fixed. If you feel bad for being betrayed, don't betray your soul that's keeping you alive. I feel glad that I haven't lost myself in the journey life, are you?

              Friend, what you have in you is what you can give to others and what you give is what you get back. Expecting mango juice out of lemons is mere foolishness. Trust me, you are the best medicine to self & the best companion too. Stand by yourself, stand tall! You have all the strength of a phoenix to rise from your own ashes. Believe in it & experience the magic! Love your self & live for yourself because WE LIVE ONLY ONCE!

#WLOO

Preneeja Peelukhana

P.S: ( Tell this to yourself ) I LOVE YOU. I LOVE & ACCEPT YOU FOR WHATEVER YOU ARE. I NEED YOU. THANK YOU FOR KEEPING ME ALIVE & BEING MY STRENGTH. YOU ARE THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME. I'LL TAKE CARE OF YOU & NOT LET ANYONE HARM YOU. YOU ARE IMPORTANT TO ME. AND I'M SORRY FOR THE TIMES YOU WERE HURT. I'LL HEAL YOU. I CAN HEAL YOU. I CAN HEAL MYSELF. I'M STRONG. ( take a deep breath & smile) 

               

You can, My friend!

Aah! The monsoon again. These rains, flooded roads, moist climate reminds me of something beautiful I experienced last year around this time of the year. An usual working day but was excited because it was our class teacher's birthday and I took the responsibility of her gift. The previous night I made a set of handmade jewelry expecting that gift would make her day special.

So, Yes! It was her birthday and with all the excitement I almost got ready and realized it was pouring outside. "Oh God! What do I do?" starting off on my bike was technically impossible and no cabs available. "Terrible! I can't skip the college today. Her gift is with me. I'll have to go" I thought to myself, packed my bag, took an umbrella and commenced walking. Had to walk a few meters i.e. till the main road to take an auto-rickshaw. Perfect! I got into the auto. "Please hurry up!" I insisted the autowala to ride it faster as I was already running late. I was completely drenched because of the downpour. 

                         
"Terrible! Just Terrible!" I thought, when the water was coming into the auto from the roads.  Oh yes, the city was flooding and the route I had to travel was filled with knee length water and I was already late by an hour. And finally, though I was 2.25 hrs late than the usual college time, completely drenched till the bones, was caught by cold, the gift wrap got wet and torn to some extent too. But what made that day a beautiful and an unforgettable experience? Have you thought about it? 

                                
Well, I'll share. That 2.5 hrs of not so usual journey made me experience and realize a few things which are helping me keep my life smooth and accomplished till date. May be that's just my perception of what I've seen and felt. A man tied a huge umbrella to his bike and was riding in that rain with two little kids dressed in school uniform. The kids looked happy and seemed to be enjoying the slipping droplets of the rain from the points of their umbrella. May be he couldn't afford a closed transport like most of us. They too were equally drenched and probably late for the school but they were happy and enjoyed every drop of that rain. 

                                  
Saw a mommy embracing her child and wrapping up the child in her dupatta with a hope that she protects her child to the maximum possible extent. A man helping his colleague lifting the bike off the deep mud though his formals were getting spoiled. A girl holding her friend's hand and carrying her bag to help her cross the road safely, a group of rich looking youngsters treating each other with a hot roadside cutting chai and capturing those moments, a boyfriend holding an umbrella for his girl while walking maintained a constant blush on her face, a man getting down from the car only to give a raincoat to the beggar sitting on the footpath - drenched & shivering, a group of kids from the near by slum playing in the mud pond.

                                      
There was a girl who stopped her auto-rickshaw to give a lift to those two girls waiting of a bus, also the whole of the traffic taking diversions and giving a passage to an ambulance, my autowala himself giving a leg push for more than a kilometer to an auto which had an engine jam. And so many other things... The gender, caste, religious differences faded away, the line between rich and poor looked erased, every person around spread the non-verbals like they are there for each other. 

                                          
I felt I was surrounded by 'humans'. I was actually surrounded by not just knee length water but also by a lot of humanity, love, joy, happiness, positive energy and beauty. All that uplifted my mood and the delay, wet clothes, slightly spoiled gift didn't matter there after. And when it comes to what I realized, lemme share, there is always a helping hand in our bad times, might be from dear ones or strangers, but there always is a hand to lift you up when you fall... all we need to do is, just look around and ask. For all those who think love is all about romance, or going out on dates, or in the so called three magical words, no, its not! who knows if the person who loves you the most is just around the corner in the form of your parents, siblings, spouse, cousins, best friend, or someone whom you dislike and haven't realized it yet. 

                                            
These short and sweet tit bits of life make it beautiful in their own way, then is it you and me who couldn't see it that way? Can we start counting our blessings and start admiring the little pretties and joys we have and stop worrying about what hasn't come our way yet? Can we not die for a million things happening to us and start living? 

Take a deep breath friend & stay alive! Because,

#WLOO (We Live Only Once)

Preneeja Peelukhana